I haven't posted in awhile. I guess that goes without saying, since the last post was from June. "No duh!". So what have I been up to? Well, a lot. Besides the day to day handling of my families personal finances and issues, I've done some traveling. I drove to Las Vegas and San Diego with my friends from the studio Kevin and Brian. We met up with another friend of mine named Steve down in Vegas, and then proceeded to drink and gamble like rockstars for a couple of day. It was a blast. Then in San Diego, it was convention time! We all took in the panels and activities that we were interested in and I had the most fun at SDCC I've had since the first time there 5 years ago. It was a no pressure trip down this year, as I have enough comic book work to keep me busy for the next year or so. And that's what I'm going to concentrate on as soon as the rest of the family business I need to take care of is done. With any luck, that will be very soon.
I also just got back from a spur of the moment trip to Cancun! It's such a beautiful place, with clear blue water, white sandy beaches, and a constant temperature above 80F. A true paradise on earth. The trip was made even better by the fact that a good friend of mine Amanda accompanied me for this quick vacation. We didn't always see eye to eye, and we argued a bit, but it was good to have someone I care about there with me. We did some cool activities together, such a scuba and snorkeling, and we even got to experience a bit of hurricane weather! Although that might not sound cool to most people, I've never seen first hand what happens during a storm like that so it was a cool experience for me at least. We also did some shopping, took a boat cruise to Isla Mujures, and did a jungle tour complete with an alligator sighting!! I'm looking forward to going back there someday, because I really enjoyed my time there.
Now that I'm home from my travels, it's time to settle in and start taking care of the loose ends I have in my personal life. I've spent the last few months since the passing of my stepfather doing whatever was needed for my family, but I've let things in my life slip. I've put a lot of things on hold. And now I'd like to get those things rolling and start living my life again. The last few months I feel like I've been living in a dream state. It feels like nothing thats happened is real. Time hasn't seemed to have any meaning or purpose, and days just seem to bleed into one another. Some days I feel like I'm loosing my mind, because I've never had to be in control of this much responsibility before. And I've never had to not worry about money before. It's hard to get focused on me right now because everything up to now has been about everyone else. And every time I get to do just for me I feel guilty. I shouldn't feel guilty, but I do.
Every good thing that happened for me and my family is the result of my stepfather's death. Thanks to his preparations for an untimely death my Mom has been well taken care of financially. And she's doing what she can to help out everybody else, including me. I've fought with her about giving money away, especially to me, because I can take care of myself and I don't want to see her go without. But the truth is, without her financial help, I'd be in trouble. I haven't worked since Warner died because I stepped up to handle everything. I feel guilty about that too because in a way it was really selfish of me to do so. I didn't trust anyone else in the family to take care of anything, and the Leo in me wanted to control it all. It was a very chaotic couple of weeks following the accident, and I wanted to prove to myself that I could handle it all. I did. Now however, I'm dealing with the fallout of it all. I feel really emotional when I think of Warner. And little things make me sad. It's hard to deal with these emotions right now when there's still so much left to do for Mom. Really hard.
I'm just hoping I can keep it all together a little longer, just long enough to make sure everything works out. Then I can let go of it all, and with any luck I'll regain some sense of sanity again. Because this has been the craziest time of my life and I could really use a break.
I'll post again soon, when I can make sense of what I just wrote.
