Canadian Geek - A place to be heard!

There's a new forum for us Canadian Geeks to be seen and heard. And conveniently it's located at
www.canadiangeek.org/forums

It's a great new forum created for geeks everywhere, but built by you. Go check it out. It's fresh and new and has something for everyone. And I'm told this is only the beginning. Get in on the ground floor of what I'm sure will be something very big and very special down the road. Now go check it out dammit!

I'm experiencing difficulties.

I'm not enjoying this. I should be working on a story that I need to get done soon and I find myself not enjoying it. I'm getting frustrated and pissed off because what I want to draw and what I am drawing are not one in the same. And it's not the story; it needs work but I'm getting through it. What's bothering me is the process. I'm not enjoying this anymore. I love drawing, but right now I don't feel it. And I want to, I really, really want to. I have alot of free time right now to draw. I should be utilizing the time. But I'm just not feeling it.

Maybe this is the equilvalent of writer's block. Maybe I need to approach things from a different perspective. But as of right now, this very moment..... it's not there. And I feel lost because it's not there. All I've wanted to do for the past 3 years is have my life set up so that I can do the one thing I love to do: draw. And I have that. So why isn't this working? Why do I feel so frustrated? Am I being too hard on myself? No, I don't think so. What I think might be the problem is that I'm missing my drive. The passion to excel and push myself and my limits to new edges. It's gone. The passion is gone. And I know where I lost it.

San Diego.

Ever since I came back from what can only be discribed as " the biggest fucking waste of $2000 I've ever spent!" I've felt empty. And angry. I feel like a part of me was sucked right out of my very core. Like I'm missing a part of my soul. And it truly is a horrible feeling. This year's trip was supposed to be fun and progressive and seen as some-what of an accomplishment. Parts of it were. Las Vegas was amazing, and San Francisco was an experience. But San Diego? I usually leave there glowing and happy. This year I just couldn't wait to leave. It's become too much. The crowds, the "Hollywood" presence. It's just too much. Where's that overwhelming feeling of "Wow, I'm at ComicCon!"? Why didn't I feel like I was part of something great? Because the spirit of what it all used to mean is gone. It's dead. And I don't think it's coming back in a future issue. Dead means dead. And I couldn't be more depressed about it if I tried. So I've come to a decision:

I'm not going back. Not without a reason; a genuine cause. And I don't see one in my immediate future.

I need to do something soon. I'm hoping to get out of town. I need to go for a drive and collect myself. Maybe Drumheller. Maybe to my old place in the mountains. But I need to get away and regroup. Look at things with a clear head. Connect with what's lost somewhere inside me. I need my passion back. Before it's too late and I give up on comics all together. More than anything in the world I don't want that to happen. But I have a burning in my chest that won't go away.

I need to do what I can to make it go away.

It's my birthday and.....

.......I'll party if I want to, drink if I want to, sleep if I want to. You'd do it to if it ...well...was your birthday :P

So I'm 31 years old today. Hold the applause, please, and just send gifts! It's been a stellar 31 years of existence to date and I'm looking forward to what can only be a bright and shiny future! Okay, hopefully it's at least a good and low-on-the-shitty-side-of-things future. That would be cool.

So I raise a glass and toast to being 31. Cheers and good wishes folks, I'm off to get drunk!