Today is one of those days that can put a real damper on the holidays. After having a busy but great last couple of days spending time with my family and celebrating Christmas, I received a phone call from my father around 8:30 that brought everything to a crashing halt. My uncle Steve died today. He was found dead on a C-Train downtown around 5 o'clock. Although nothing has been formally told to anybody, the initial cause of death seems to lead to one conclusion: He died of a broken heart.
Unfortunately though that's not the first thing asked when told of his passing. You see, my uncle had a problem. He couldn't say no to a drink. For the last 20 years at a progressive rate he lived out of a bottle. It ruined his career, his home life, and even took a toll on our relationship. Growing up I idolized him. He was the coolest uncle a boy could ever have. He took me to all kinds of cool places, let me have sleepovers when I came to Calgary for visits, and he always had a cool girlfriend who was nice to look at and nice to me. He was the absolute bachelor, living life care-free. He worked as a carpenter for as long as I can remember and was really good at what he did. But he drank all the time. A lot. And in the end it may have killed him.
In the last 10 - 15 years he really punished his body. He had a falling out with his common-law wife, left the house he helped build, and spent more time drunk than he did sober. He hit rock bottom, and ended up living on the streets. People tried to help him, from friends to family. And at one point he seemed to be turning around. But he slipped, and this time he never got back up.
I've spent the better part of a decade angry at him. We had a falling out what seems like a lifetime ago over money. I used to rent a basement suite from him and Kathy, his common-law wife. Things were good at first; I lived downstairs from the coolest guys in the world. But unfortunately I got to see a side of him I never knew before. After awhile things started to fall apart downstairs. I had an insect problem that was never addressed. His and Kathy's children would terrorize around the house and wake me at all hours of the day and night. And when they drank, Kathy and Steve did nothing but fight. So I gave my notice and moved. With the help of my mom we cleaned the place and left it spotless. And that's when Steve nailed the coffin shut in our relationship. He owed me $350 for damage deposit. And he stiffed me on it. He came up with every excuse he could as to why he wasn't going to give it to me. And at the time I needed it for my new place, so it left me in quite a bind. But more than that it left me with anger and resentment towards a man I used to look up to.
Ten plus years I stayed mad at him. Didn't bother to talk to him. And then one day I had to.
My father gave me some money that he needed me to deliver to my uncle because he was in a bind. Dad couldn't get away from work and I had time so he asked me if for one day, the five minutes it took to drive to where Steve was, if I could just put aside my anger for the man and help him out. Reluctantly I agreed to do it. The whole way over all I could think about is how pissed off I still felt about everything and how good it was going to feel to look down at Steve when I gave him his "handout". But when I arrived and he came out to the car all those thoughts went away.
I didn't recognize the man who came to the car. He sat down beside me, and when I looked at him he looked like he had aged 50 years. He looked so tired and old. And instead of looking down on him, I felt like crying inside. I put away my anger and talked to him. He wasn't the same. His life in the bottle had destroyed him and all that was left was a shell of the man he used to be. I felt so sad for him and gave him the money dad sent. As he was getting out of the car I wished him well. I didn't know what else to say. That was 2 years ago. It was the last time I would ever talk to him.
I'm crying as I write this for two reasons. First, I remember all the good times we had when I was young and how much the time we spent together meant to me. He was the coolest guy in the world to me and I looked up to him. And secondly, and most importantly, because a month and a half ago I seen Steve downtown when I was working. He looked a lot better than the last time I saw him. I was going to approach him and say hi, but he was talking to a lady and I didn't want to interupt him. I also didn't know what to say, so rather than take the time to at least say hi, I didn't say anything at all.
I'll never get that chance again.
Rest in Peace Uncle Steve. I'm sorry I never got over the shit between us. More sorry then you'll ever know.
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